The Missing Ingrediant
by ARAMAS Are We
Summary: The missing ingrediant in human alchemy? I thought for a few minutes. Ha, these people are morons! The missing step is.... might have a little romance NOT A MARY SUE![Ch. 2 fixed]And important message...
1. Chapter 1

The Missing Ingrediant

By: Ai Mori (some ideas from Ayase Rampo)

Disclaimer: Ai Mori does not own Fullmetal alchemist

Ai: This story is very strange...Me and Ayase were watching the episode "Teacher" and I was being my usual wierd self and soon this story was made. The first chapter is just a beginning.And if some things aren't 100 percent true well its my story and I dont care.. I hope ya like it!

_Chapter 1_

Author POV

Ai Mori lives in Resembool (I think thats how you spell it). Ayase Rampo is a state alchemist a.k.a the Oruboros alchemist. When Ai became interested in alchemy, Ayase agreed to be her teacher.

Ai's POV

Ayase and I had just finished training. I was reading, but Ayase had fallen asleep eating a piece of cheese (A/N: Mmmmm cheese)

"Hmm interesting.." I said reading the book.

Authors POV

Just then a squirrel climbed into a tree. The squirrel's name was Bob...don't ask how I know that. The squirrel watched Ai and Ayase with a 'They are freaks' look. Then the squirrel ran into the middle of the street. Bob got hit by a car...poor bob...(A/N: I know this was pointless but since its only the first chapter I wanted to make it longer)

Ai's POV

"The missing ingrediant in human alchemy?" I thought for a few minutes. "Ha, these people are morons! The missing step is...cheese!" So I got all the ingrediants and took the cheese from Ayase.

"Heeeey the monkey took my money..." she said in her sleep.

I drew the transmutation circle and put all the ingrediants in the middle. Then I activated the circle. All I could see was a light.

"Bwahahahahaha" I laughed evilly. The light went away and..nothing happened. "I guess I did it wrong...need to try again." I went to the kitchen to get more cheese but there was none left! "Strange...Ayase I'm going to the store!"

"DUMB MONKEY GIVE ME MY FREAKIN MONEY!"

So I went to store after store and all the cheese was gone!

"NOOO All the cheese is gone! What have I done?" I said while people were staring. "Geez one little mistake and they take away all the cheese...I must get the cheese back and prove that cheese is the missing ingrediant!" I said making a dramatic pose.

Some kid walked up to his mom. "Mom! That girl is scaring me! Why is she talking to herself about cheese!"

"I don't know..Just walk away..." said the mom.

"Well! How rude!" I said.

Back with Ayase in her dream

Ayase had just gotten her money back from the monkey. Ai walks up to her and waves "Hi!" Ayase pulls out a bat and starts chasing her like a crazy maniac.

Out of dream

"Ha...Ai get hurt" Ayase said still sleeping.

* * *

Ok thats the first chapter! I told you it was wierd...but I just came up with this so..here it is! Next chapter we meet Ed and Al. 


	2. Chapter 2

The Missing Ingrediant 

by: Ai Mori

Ai: I do not own Fullmetal alchemist...but I wish i did...

Disclaimer: Hey, you stole my line! But I'm still getting paid right?  
Ai: I...don't pay you.

Disclaimer: What?

Ai: Uhhhh ON WITH THE STORY! It is very random...

This chapter of the story has been fixed because I had many flamers and I do understand how some parts could make us seem like mary sues. Yes I know Ed and Al wouldn't travel with just anyone butI can't not have them in my story so sorry. I tried to fix it the best I could, so if anything's wrong ya don't have toget all mad about it...AND LISTEN I really am NOT trying to make them mary sues. (Also sorry for anyone acting OOC because I knowsome of them may!)

_Chapter 2_

fixed

Ai's POV

"AYASE!" I screamed running in the house. I started sobbing.

"What!"said Ayase

"The cheese...ITS GONE!"

"Oh...Is that all?"

"You don't understand...All the cheese in the world is GONE!"(A/N: Yes i know they could just make more cheese..but this is my story so shhhh)

"Did you do something stupid again? AI YOU REMEMBER LAST TIME!"

Flashback

"Oooo acids and bases" I said mixing them together. **_(Big explosion) _**"Coooooool!"

"Moron" said Ayase slamming her head against the wall.

End Flashback

"No! Of course not! Heh Heh Heh." I said. "I just tried to preform a human alchemy..no big deal"

"WHAT? Grrr, come on we have to fix this." Ayase said dragging me out the door.

"Where are we going?"

"I don't know..."

Just then...Ayase and I ran saw a dead squirrel in the middle of the street!

"Ewwww" said Ayase

Just then the squirrel came back to life!

"Guess who's back? Back again?" said Bob (A/N: read chapter 1)

"Oooo talking squirrel COOL!" I said

"I can't believe I'm back to life...it's a miracle!"said Bob as he danced around like an idiot.

"Not for long!" said a leprachaun who appeared out of the sky! The leprachaun shot the squirrel with a machine gun.

"Why is the world so cruel?" said Bob as he fell to the ground dead.

"Oooook" said Ayase and I.

"But I saw a leprachaun I swear!" said a voice. I turned around and saw a blonde guy and a suit of armor.

"Suuuure ya did" said the blonde guy.

"Oh my god Ed Elric! I'm a state alchemist too, so I can't believe it's the Fullmetal alchemist or should I say stud muffin alchemist!"said Ayase (A/N: Grrrrr, ayase your so wierd...)

"Uhhh..."said Ed.

"I'm Ayase! The Oroboros Alchemist. And this is my friend Ai."

"Hello" they said.

"Yeah...Anyways...We're looking for the philosopher's stone to restore all the cheese in the world!"I said

"Oh, we're looking for it too." said Al.

"Hey! Why don't we travel together!" said Ayase

"Well. We really don't want to travel with someone right now" said Ed.

"Please! We'll be your bestest friends!"

"No thank you" said Ed.

"PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!" said Ayase and I.

"Ugh! Fine just shut up!" said Ed (A/N: like I said, I have to have them in the story and I really am not trying to make us perfect or anything.)

"Yay! Welcome to dark side! We have cookies!" I said.

"Yeah" said Ayase. _'Who cares about the stone, I get to travel with Ed! Yay!' _Ayase thought.

* * *

Ai: Ok there I tried to fix it the best I could because I did agree with you guys a little. I know some of you might not like people who put themselves in the story, and to make both of us happy then you should just not read my story. Thank you. 


	3. Chapter 3

The Missing Ingrediant

by: Ai Mori

Ai: The disclaimer from the last chapter got mad because I stole his line SO I hired a new one!

_New _Disclaimer: Ai Mori does not own Fullmetal Alchemist or defibrilators. But she does own Bob the squirrel.

Ai: Oh yeah and if anyone is out of character, sorry I hope you don't get offended because I would probably realize it and I'm a big FMA fan so I'm not making fun of it in any way. (except maybe roy, but thats a different story I haven't posted) And also sorry if this isn't all up to date, it's not going to be perfect.

_Chapter 3_

Ai's POV

So everyone was talking about where to go next in our search for the philosophers stone when...some doctor guy comes out of nowhere that just happens to have a defibrilator and ZAPS Bob back to life! (A/N: Yay Bob!)

"IM ALIVE!" says Bob.

"Ooo, it's that talking squirrel again." said Ayase.

"Cool, wanna join our group?" I said.

"WHAT? We can't take a freaking squirrel with us!" said Ed.

"Too bad, Bob...welcome to the group!" I said.

Just then...the freaky leprachaun with a machine gun appears! "Must...kill...Bob..."

"NOOOOO! Foolish leprachaun! Beware of my aweome ninja powers!" I said karate chopping the leprachaun in half. Then I took the leprachauns pot of gold and ran off in the other direction. "Hahahahaha! I'm filthy, stupid, stinking rich!"

"Uhhh...Where are you going?" asked Ed.

"Oh..right..hehe" I said walking back.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoWeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!OoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Ok, so Ayase, Ed, Al, Bob and me were all skipping merrily through the streets having no idea where the heck we were or where the heck we were going. We stopped at an alley.

"Oooo, look an alley. Let's all stare at it like complete morons!" I said staring at it like a complete moron.

"Yeah..you keep doing that.." said Ayase.

"Heh heh heh heh" came a random voice from the alley. Three people stepped out. (A/N: I'm too lazy to describe so think: Lust, Envy and Gluttony)

"Hi wierd people who I've never met before!" I said.

"..."

"It's time to fight Fullmetal Pipsqueak" said Envy.

"Awww, why do we have to fight THIS time..." Ed replied.

"Ummm...I...don't know...I mean your here...and we're here and...AREN'T WE SUPPOSED TO FIGHT?"

"Yeah, I guess" Al said.

"Now now, violence is WRONG!" I said

"OH SHUTUP" said Envy

"NO YOU SHUTUP" I said

"NO YOU!" said Envy. This went on for a very long time until...

"WHY DON'T YOU BOTH SHUTUP" said Lust.

"Ooo, can I eat them Lust?" asked Gluttony.

"OH NO!" I screamed really loud making everyone look at me even though the idiots had no idea that there was 3 homunculi trying to kill us.

"What is it?" said Ed, Al, and Ayase said simultaneously. (A/N: woah, that word is huge hahaha)

"CHEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!" I screamed even louder if it was even possible. "I miss the cheese!"

"..."

'I bet I know how to get rid of these wierd homunculi...' I thought. So I walked up to them and screamed "THE BRITISH ARE COMING, THE BRITISH ARE COMING!"

"Uhh..what are you doing" said lust.

'Oh crud...that didn't work'. "RUN!" I screamed. We started running but realized that we left Bob back there! I turned around and saw Envy get ticked off and punch the ground..RIGHT WHERE BOB WAS!

"Oh my god, you killed Bob!" I said

"You dorkwad!" said Ayase.

So I ran screaming towards where they were, picked up Bob and ran. Will we find the philosophers stone? Will we return all the cheese to the world? Will we find a way to bring Bob back again? And most importantly...WILL I EVER STOP TALKING LIKE THIS? Find out in chapter 4!


	4. Chapter 4

**The Missing Ingrediant**

by: Ai Mori

Ai: Look, if I owned Fullmetal Alchemist would I be writing Fanfictions? I also do not own Invader Zim.

Disclaimer: DON'T TAKE MY JOB! THATS IT I QUIT!

Ai: Awww. Now I gotta spend more money...

Ok I know this might be annoying but I'm saying this in every chapter. I want to try to clear this whole thing up. Two of the characters ARE self inserts and I'm not trying to hide it. However I am trying to make them as un-Mary Sue-ish as I can. I can't always see things that people who read this can. So I want anyone who finds anything that make it look like we're mary sues to tell me, and if I see it I'll try and change it the best I can.

And if the characters are OOC **_-sigh- _**Just deal with it. (Cuz i know Roy might be very OOC in this chapter..and ya no what I really don't want to here anything because I warned you)This is a fanFICTION and is a story, so please if your gonna flame with opinions thats fine but don't stalk my story...So either appreciate it or leave.

I also warn you that this story is very random, and may seem a little stupid to some people. But that's just me..so if ya like it, thanks!

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_Chapter 4_

_(Ai's POV)_

After running away and screaming in pointless directions with Bob, we got a call from Roy on some random payphone that just HAPPENED to be there, so we had to go on a train to East HQ.

-On the Train-

Al was talking to Bob after he magically came back to life and Ayase had fallen asleep again. I stared at Al started to blush like crazy. "Ummm Ed..." I whispered

"Yes?"

"What does Al look like with out all that armor?"

Ed pulled out a random picture "Here's a random picture of us when we were little." He handed over the picture over to me.

I looked at the picture 'HOLY MOTHER OF GOD HE WAS CUTE BACK THEN HE MUST BE A HOTTIE NOW!' All of the sudden I fainted from shock. (A/n: Just to let you know that was ALL AYASE RAMPO and I didn't want to write romance...Having it was her idea anyway...and shes here laughing at every word...DARN YOU TO HECK!)

-Outside East HQ-

So after a little while we finally got to the East HQ. We went into Roy's office.

"Knock Knock Knock" said the door! (A/N: dont ask..) But no one answered.

"Hmm..Whats going on?" said Ayase.

And being impatient we opened the door anyways to see a very disturbing site.

"Oh no not I! I will survive!" Roy sang as he danced around like a moron.

"HAHAHAHAH!" I said taking pictures with a very convienently placed camera.

"Ahh!" screamed Roy. "Give me that camera!"

"Never! Bwahahaha!" I said running in a random direction

"Ooook...Anyway so what do you want..?" said Ed.

"Ughh...the Oroboros Alchemist..."

"Hiiiii Roy!" said Ayase.

"But...who was that wierd girl with the camera..."

"I'M AI! THE AMAZING FLYING PURPLE LLAMA!" I said reappearing from no where.

"Uhh"

"Wait no! The _immortal _flying purple llama! Fear me!"

"**_-sigh-_**" said Ayase

"Yeah! They annoyed us into letting them travel with us..." said Ed

"Hmm.."

"Well..why the heck are we here huh..." I said.

"Well..I have a new mission for you Fullmetal..."

"Yeah, I'm listening."

"You have to deliver this cookie to Dr. Marcoh. We have no idea where he is but...ya gotta do it anyway! We want his research on the philosophers stone and we need to somehow get him to come back to the military..and besides everyone loves cookies!" Roy looked up to see everyone fell asleep from his talking. "Urghh..wake up."

"Ai is not here right now...please leave a message after the beep..beeeep" I said in my sleep.

"I SAID WAKE UP!" he screamed.

"SHUT YOUR FREAKING PIE HOLE JERK FACE!" said Ayase and ran over to Roy to and pantsed him.

"Yay! More pictures!" I said taking pictures of the pantsed Roy.

Just then Kain falls from the sky...or ceiling...or whatever.. and lands on Bob sending him flying into Invader Zim! Who was just standing there for no apparent reason! Yay!

"I am Zim! Fear me!" he says shooting bob.

"Oh my god! You killed Bob!" I said

"You dorkwad!" said Ayase.

"WILL.YOU.ALL.JUST.LEAVE.MY.OFFICE?" screamed Roy.

"Fine meanie.." we all said (except bob...**_-tear-_**) and left on our mission.

"Morons...with their stupid squirrel...and the retarded alien.." said Roy as he turned to stare at randomly stupid things out his window...but what he did not know was that there was a sign taped to his back saying 'Hi! I'm Roy the pretty pink pony! (ai was here)'...

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Yay another stupid chapter!


	5. Chapter 5

**The Missing Ingrediant**

by Ai Mori

Ai: Alright I was too lazy to hire a disclaimer for this chapter so I'll say it. I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. (Or Fairly Odd Parents...or a pineapple under the sea...nope thats spongebob...who I don't own either.)

Ok I know this might be annoying but I'm saying this in every chapter. I want to try to clear this whole thing up. Two of the characters ARE self inserts and I'm not trying to hide it. However I am trying to make them as un-Mary Sue-ish as I can. I can't always see things that people who read this can. So I want anyone who finds anything that make it look like we're mary sues to tell me, and if I see it I'll try and change it the best I can.

And if the characters are OOC -sigh- Just deal with it.This is a fanFICTION and is a story, so please if your gonna flame with opinions thats fine but don't stalk my story...So either appreciate it or leave. I also warn you that this story is very random, and may seem a little stupid to some people. Ok very stupid...to everyone... Especially this chapter...But that's just me..so if ya like it, thanks

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_Chapter 5_

(Ai's POV)

Yayyy Journey time. Ok so we're walking lalalala. Trying to find Dr Marcoh. First we look under a rock. Then behind a dumpster. Then I suggested we ask people around the military about where he might be but nooooo they didn't listen to me.

"What are you talking about! Thats what Bob suggested!" said Ayase.

"HEY HOW CAN YOU READ MY THOUGHTS! This is my POV get out darn you!"

"Ummm..We're right here watching what your typing..I mean you ARE the author"

"Oh right sorry.."

Just then a little kid ran from out of an alley. He stopped in front of us. He had little a wierd little scooter thingy and 2 things with crowns were flying next to him.

"Cosmo! Wanda! Where are we? I thought were going back in time to fix my dad's trophy thingamajigger"

"Hiiiii! Why are you standing in front of us? LE GASP! Are you from the future?" I asked.

"Umm...No..."

"CAN I SEE YOUR SCOOTER ITS SOOO COOL!" I said and grabbed my beloved hammer and started smacking it for no reason. Then there was an explosion and we all wound up in a pineapple...under the sea..

"OH MY GOD WE'RE GONNA DROWN WHAT THE HECK" screamed Ayase.

"Oooo where are we?" said Ed.

"I don't know.."said Al.

"Ergh...CAN'T...BREATHE!" said Bob as he died.

"OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED BOB!" I said

"You dorkwad!" said Ayase.

"Wait a sec...who killed bob?" said ed..

"Ummm well...I don't know.." I said. So then after that mystery which we shall never figure out...or maybe I'm just too lazy to figure it out...ANYWAY! We decided to try and get out of these pineapple. We approached a door and tried to push it open.."DARN WHY WON'T IT OPEN!"

"Stop screaming idiot and just turn this...circle thingy!" said Ayase who turned the...circle thingy thus opening the door!

"WEE!" I said for no reason.

We stepped out of the pineapple to see a sponge, a starfish and uhh some other thing playing a game.

"Yay! I lose!" said the starfish

"But it's not Tuesday Patrick!" said the sponge

"Yeah, its not Tuesday Patrick!" said some other thing (squidward)

"Tartar sauce!"

Ok..So We introduced ourselves to them. The sponge was Spongebob. The starfish was Patrick and the other thing was Squidward. And we also learned that the little annoying kid was Timmy and blehhh ect. Then all of a sudden.

"Hey! Squidward! You never hang out with us! YOUR AN IMPOSTER!" said Patrick.

"Ok Ok.." said the imposter taking out a sack that had the real squidward in it. He took his costume off to reveal that he was...

DUN

DUN

DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

DR. MARCOH! le gasp..

"Oh.my.god..."everyone said.

"Oo the cookie!" said Ed.

"Well..." I started. Everyone stared waiting for me to finish. "It was a long trip...and I got hungry..."

"Aw for the love of crud!" said Ayase.

"Hublahhhh" said Dr. Marcoh running around like a crazy maniac.

"Uhh.."

"Wee" he said and took out a philosopher's stone and then there was a bright light and we were back in the middle of the desert. (but back in the alchemy world) Dr Marcoh was no where to be found. Instead there was a bird who talked.

"Alas! It is I Dr. Marcoh" said the bird

"..."

"I didn't want to be hunted down by the military anymore so I took this bird form. So I could be free!" Just then Dr. Marcoh flew into a tree which appeared from the ground. "Ow..."

"That was strange.."

"Ehh Who cares we found the stone!" Then the stone exploded and pretty colors fell from the sky.

"NOOOOOOOO!" We screamed.

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Ok Don't ask. I was just being stupid today...Well actually it took more then a day because I got distracted...the tv..I had to watch it...


	6. IMPORTANT MESSAGE OF DOOMand STUPID CH

The Missing Ingrediant

By Ai Mori...like the other chapters obviously...

Important Message Of DOOOM (well not really)

I usually don't mind flamers, as long as they give me advice. Pointless flamers is what I hate. And ones who tell me to give up. I thought an important message in life was to always keep trying. Heh that was so corny.AND THE ONES THAT STALK MY STORY EVEN THOUGH THEY SAY HOW MUCH THEY HATE IT AND THINK THEY KNOW ABSOLUTLEY EVERYTHING. . Anyway I'm going to rewrite this story, with the same concept but this time I'll try a little more. Another reason is a little bad is because I'm a lazy person and my friend made me write it because I never write...and I probably wasn't in the mood to. Well I don't know when I'm going to rewrite it..but for now I'll just keep the original chapters but I'll be working on it. I know it doesn't make sence..but its not really supposed to. But yes it was very poorly written. I usually don't like doing this kind of thing but its very important. This review was someone who called him/herself God, which they have no right to do since there probably far from being anywhere near as great as Him:

"The characters aren't weird. They're just stupid and lame.

Give up on this piece of shit and die.

PS: Squirrels don't have facial expressions."

Well thanks for your opinion. But reviews are meant for opinions and advice. Telling me to die is just immature and cold. And it made me feel bad for a while until I realized that it was just worthless junk. But I didn't delete it because thats kinda just deleting my problems. And never said they did have facial expression..PLUS I said the story was going to be stupid so if you have something against things that are soo far more stupidier then you ALMIGHTY GOD then I suggest you go away. (Note the sarcasm...Theres only one God...) Sorry for stressing that its just that I hate it that they called themselves God and God would never tell his own people to die.

I also don't like the people who say they're too dead to read the next chapter..and yet so alive enough to think of all the flaws and able to write a review. And this, I write it every time. If your all so smart enough to flame my story as you do then obviously you wouldn't have missed this:

"Ok I know this might be annoying but I'm saying this in every chapter. I want to try to clear this whole thing up. Two of the characters ARE self inserts and I'm not trying to hide it. However I am trying to make them as un-Mary Sue-ish as I can. I can't always see things that people who read this can. So I want anyone who finds anything that make it look like we're mary sues to tell me, and if I see it I'll try and change it the best I can."

I ask for advice not people who tell me to die and give up. Not all people told me to give up, some gave me advice and I'm thankful for it just stop being the way all of you are. This is fanfiction! Stop taking this all so seriously. Its more immature then I am. Thank you...And since its against the rules to have an authors not in a chapter..I guess I'll have to write up something.. But don't flame that too its just something I'm coming up with in like 5 minutes so I won't get in trouble.

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So after we failed Roy's stupid mission we decided to take a break and go visit Winry...

Winry was mad because Ed's automail was all messed up.

Ayase and Winry got in a fight for Ed.

Al picked up another stray kitten

And Ai just stood there listening to AFI. (Ugh I'm sorry I had to put that in)

And Pinako did absolutley nothing.. yaaay.

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Again I say..had to make it in five minutes. VERY VERY badly written This was gonna be a chapter and I'll do it later but I had to make something so I wouldn't get in trouble...And I'm rewriting the story..THANK YOU!


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